I think I've spent most of my life creating beautiful moments for everyone else.
I celebrate birthdays. I buy Christmas presents. I take people out to dinner. I love making other people feel loved, seen, celebrated, and important.
Being thoughtful comes naturally to me...
But being thoughtful toward myself never has.
I've spent years pouring from my own cup until there was almost nothing left.
Not anymore.
I truly believe I am entering the season of Angie.
For the past six years, I've been walking through one of the darkest seasons of my life.
The false twin flame connection I found myself in nearly destroyed me.
Three years of yearning.
Three years of obsession.
Three years of waiting for someone who wasn't choosing me.
If it weren't for my children... I honestly don't know if I would still be here.
Then came two more years.
Not of longing...
But of letting go.
The anger.
The grief.
The rage.
It completely consumed me.
I've never experienced emotions that intense before.
Every year since then, I feel like I've gotten a little healthier.
A little softer.
A little more like myself again.
And now...
I think it's finally my time.
I've always believed in divine timing.
Looking back, I find it fascinating that I finally released my false twin flame chapter during a 9 Year - a year of endings - so that I could step into this year as a blank canvas.
A new beginning.
A chance to recreate myself.
A chance to become the woman I was always meant to be.
These days, my children are thriving.
They're well cared for.
They have good food, good schools, dental appointments, the newest electronics, and a mother who absolutely adores them.
Watching them flourish has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.
For the first time...
I finally feel like it's okay to invest in myself, too.
I've been honest with all of you about my weight gain.
The truth is, those two years of letting go of my false twin flame were some of the hardest years I've ever lived through. The rage, the anger consumed me.
Food became comfort.
I was raising three children alone.
Working multiple jobs.
Trying to survive emotionally while still showing up every day as a mother.
Food became the one place where I could temporarily escape the pain.
But that chapter is over now.
When I look in the mirror today, I don't just see extra weight.
I see grief.
I see heartbreak.
I see the physical reminder of the darkest season I've ever survived.
And I don't want to carry that version of myself anymore.
Not because I hate her...
But because she deserves to be set free.
I'm in such a healthier place now.
Mind.
Body.
Soul.
I feel like I've found the sweet Angie again.
The one who was buried beneath years of trauma, rage, and heartbreak.
I've also been open with all of you about my mental health.
Living with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and ASPD has been its own journey.
But these past six years of healing, spirituality, meditation, gratitude, self-love rituals, and intentionally changing the way I speak to myself have transformed me.
I give myself grace now.
I protect my peace.
I choose kinder thoughts.
I've created a life that breathes life into me instead of stealing it.
Looking back, I used to carry so much shame.
I was angry with myself for the choices I made.
I was angry that I kept choosing someone who wasn't choosing me.
I blamed myself.
But today...
I understand.
That path was necessary.
Without it, I wouldn't be this woman.
Without the heartbreak, I never would have found my healing.
Without the pain, I never would have met myself.
So this year, I'm choosing me.
For years I've dreamed about investing in my health, but I always found a reason to put myself last.
Not this time.
I've already gone through the medical process, completed the blood work, received my prescription, and next week I begin my weight-loss medication. After a 4,000 dollar investment in doctors, and blood tests, I have been approved for Ozempic. The Ozempic medication itself is going to be a 2,000 dollar monthly investment and then a 1,500 dollar investment every six months for follow up appointments and blood tests.
It's a significant investment.
But so am I.
I've also made another decision that I've wanted to make for years.
I've invested in ketamine therapy, I paid for 10 sessions in advance and that came up to 5,000. It'll be intravenous Ketamine sessions with a doctor and staff.
My first session begins in just over a week.
Healing isn't always free.
Sometimes it costs money.
Sometimes it costs pride.
Sometimes it costs letting go of the version of yourself you've outgrown.
But I finally love myself enough to believe I'm worth every penny.
And that's something I never thought I'd be able to say.
I'm also investing in my future.
I'm learning YouTube.
I'm learning marketing.
I'm building multiple streams of income.
I'm building a business that will outlive me.
Not because I want more...
But because I want the freedom to GIVE more.
To my children.
To my future.
To people who need a helping hand.
This year isn't about chasing someone else's love.
It isn't about proving my worth.
It isn't about waiting for someone to choose me.
This year...
I choose me.
I choose my health.
I choose my peace.
I choose my body.
I choose my mind.
I choose my dreams.
I choose my future.
I spent years pouring into everyone else's cup.
Now it's finally time to fill my own.
Because the truth is...
The more whole I become, the more I have to give.
And I have a feeling...
The best version of Angie is only just beginning.
I love you 😍 💋
Angie
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