I Am Entering the Season of Angie | Angila Venus

I think I've spent most of my life creating beautiful moments for everyone else.

I celebrate birthdays. I buy Christmas presents. I take people out to dinner. I love making other people feel loved, seen, celebrated, and important.

Being thoughtful comes naturally to me...

But being thoughtful toward myself never has.

I've spent years pouring from my own cup until there was almost nothing left.

Not anymore.

I truly believe I am entering the season of Angie.

For the past six years, I've been walking through one of the darkest seasons of my life.

The false twin flame connection I found myself in nearly destroyed me.

Three years of yearning.

Three years of obsession.

Three years of waiting for someone who wasn't choosing me.

If it weren't for my children... I honestly don't know if I would still be here.

Then came two more years.

Not of longing...

But of letting go.

The anger.

The grief.

The rage.

It completely consumed me.

I've never experienced emotions that intense before.

Every year since then, I feel like I've gotten a little healthier.

A little softer.

A little more like myself again.

And now...

I think it's finally my time.

I've always believed in divine timing.

Looking back, I find it fascinating that I finally released my false twin flame chapter during a 9 Year - a year of endings - so that I could step into this year as a blank canvas.

A new beginning.

A chance to recreate myself.

A chance to become the woman I was always meant to be.

These days, my children are thriving.

They're well cared for.

They have good food, good schools, dental appointments, the newest electronics, and a mother who absolutely adores them.

Watching them flourish has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

For the first time...

I finally feel like it's okay to invest in myself, too.

I've been honest with all of you about my weight gain.

The truth is, those two years of letting go of my false twin flame were some of the hardest years I've ever lived through. The rage,  the anger consumed me. 

Food became comfort.

I was raising three children alone.

Working multiple jobs.

Trying to survive emotionally while still showing up every day as a mother.

Food became the one place where I could temporarily escape the pain.

But that chapter is over now.

When I look in the mirror today, I don't just see extra weight.

I see grief.

I see heartbreak.

I see the physical reminder of the darkest season I've ever survived.

And I don't want to carry that version of myself anymore.

Not because I hate her...

But because she deserves to be set free.

I'm in such a healthier place now.

Mind.

Body.

Soul.

I feel like I've found the sweet Angie again.

The one who was buried beneath years of trauma, rage, and heartbreak.

I've also been open with all of you about my mental health.

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and ASPD has been its own journey.

But these past six years of healing, spirituality, meditation, gratitude, self-love rituals, and intentionally changing the way I speak to myself have transformed me.

I give myself grace now.

I protect my peace.

I choose kinder thoughts.

I've created a life that breathes life into me instead of stealing it.

Looking back, I used to carry so much shame.

I was angry with myself for the choices I made.

I was angry that I kept choosing someone who wasn't choosing me.

I blamed myself.

But today...

I understand.

That path was necessary.

Without it, I wouldn't be this woman.

Without the heartbreak, I never would have found my healing.

Without the pain, I never would have met myself.

So this year, I'm choosing me.

For years I've dreamed about investing in my health, but I always found a reason to put myself last.

Not this time.

I've already gone through the medical process, completed the blood work, received my prescription, and next week I begin my weight-loss medication. After a 4,000 dollar investment in doctors, and blood tests,  I have been approved for Ozempic. The Ozempic medication itself is going to be a 2,000 dollar monthly investment and then a 1,500 dollar investment every six months for follow up appointments and blood tests.

It's a significant investment.

But so am I.

I've also made another decision that I've wanted to make for years.

I've invested in ketamine therapy, I paid for 10 sessions in advance and that came up to 5,000. It'll be intravenous Ketamine sessions with a doctor and staff. 

My first session begins in just over a week.

Healing isn't always free.

Sometimes it costs money.

Sometimes it costs pride.

Sometimes it costs letting go of the version of yourself you've outgrown.

But I finally love myself enough to believe I'm worth every penny.

And that's something I never thought I'd be able to say.

I'm also investing in my future.

I'm learning YouTube.

I'm learning marketing.

I'm building multiple streams of income.

I'm building a business that will outlive me.

Not because I want more...

But because I want the freedom to GIVE more.

To my children.

To my future.

To people who need a helping hand.

This year isn't about chasing someone else's love.

It isn't about proving my worth.

It isn't about waiting for someone to choose me.

This year...

I choose me.

I choose my health.

I choose my peace.

I choose my body.

I choose my mind.

I choose my dreams.

I choose my future.

I spent years pouring into everyone else's cup.

Now it's finally time to fill my own.

Because the truth is...

The more whole I become, the more I have to give.

And I have a feeling...

The best version of Angie is only just beginning.

I love you 😍 💋 

Angie

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The Woman I Hope to Become | Angila Venus

I've been meaning to write this blog for quite some time, but I've been navigating some mental health struggles, and I just haven't been in the right headspace to put these thoughts into words.

Tonight feels different.

Tonight, I finally can.

People often ask me who I look up to. Who inspires me. Who I strive to become.

I think most people expect me to say someone like Bunny XO, Marilyn Monroe, or another beautiful Hollywood icon.

And I just want to say... I do admire those women. They are strong, confident, and undeniably beautiful.

But no.

That isn't my answer.

The woman I admire most is Mother Teresa.

I know that probably makes some people laugh. On the surface, it doesn't seem to fit the woman they see online.

But it's the truth.

The older I become, the less interested I am in perfecting my appearance, and the more interested I become in perfecting my heart.

Don't misunderstand me - I still take incredibly good care of myself. I enjoy beauty. I enjoy femininity. I enjoy dressing well and expressing myself.

But I'm aging.

I'm raising children.

I'm putting them through college.

Life has shifted my perspective.

I think becoming the next Marilyn Monroe is a younger woman's dream.

Mine is different.

My dream is to leave this world gentler than I found it.

For years now, quietly and without anyone knowing, I've tried to be a blessing whenever I could.

I've bought Christmas presents for children whose parents couldn't afford them.

I've paid electric bills that were about to be shut off.

I've helped cover rent for families on the verge of losing their homes.

Not because I wanted recognition...

But because somewhere deep inside me, that's where my heart has always belonged.

I've realized something.

Beauty fades.

Youth fades.

We all grow older.

But a beautiful heart...

A generous spirit...

A compassionate soul...

Those things never lose their beauty.

If people remember me one day, I don't want it to be because they thought I was beautiful.

Truthfully, I've never really seen myself that way.

I know much of that comes from how I was raised, and maybe that's a wound I'll spend my life healing.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped chasing the kind of beauty I could never convince myself I possessed.

Instead, I began nurturing the one thing I have always believed was beautiful...

My heart.

Because if I can leave someone feeling seen...

If I can lessen someone's suffering...

If I can remind another human being that they are worthy...

Then I have lived a life that mattered.

Tonight, during my prayers, I whispered something to my Goddess.

"Give to me, so that I may give to others.

Bless me, so that I may become a blessing.

Fill my cup until it overflows, so I may pour from my abundance into empty hands and aching hearts."

Because I don't dream of becoming the most beautiful woman in the room.

I dream of becoming the woman whose kindness outlives her beauty.

The woman whose generosity echoes long after she's gone.

The woman people remember not because she was admired...

But because she loved.

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I've never been good at being vulnerable | Angila Venus

Time to get a little vulnerable... I suppose...

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t carry regret.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t look back at certain decisions and wish I could reach through time and hold that version of me by the face and tell her to choose differently.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wrestle with shame.

So much hurt in this body.

So much grief.

So many wounds I’m still learning how to carry.

There are days I feel disposable.

Like a throwaway.

Like everyone else got the handbook to life and I missed the chapter.

There are days I feel like a failure.

Days I wish my life looked different.

Days I ache for support in ways I don’t even know how to explain.

And if I’m being honest -

there are moments I look at my children and wonder if they deserved someone softer, stronger, less wounded.

That thought breaks my heart.

Many nights I lie awake imagining another life.

A quiet life.

A soft life.

One where I don’t always have to survive.

One where I’m allowed to exhale.

Faith is what keeps me moving.

Not because life has been easy.

But because somewhere inside me there is still a woman who refuses to believe this is all there is.

Faith that life can change.

Faith that love is real.

Faith that one day I won’t have to fight this hard for every ounce of peace.

I dream about resting.

Resting in softness.

Resting in safety.

Resting beside someone who kisses my forehead and tells me I don’t have to carry everything alone.

I dream of gentle touches.

Of being loved in ways that feel quiet instead of chaotic.

And I’ve dreamed of it for so long that sometimes I wonder if I made it up.

If maybe I’m chasing something that doesn’t exist.

But even then -

I still keep a light on.

Because maybe the fact that I still long for softness means I was never meant for suffering.

Maybe the ache itself is proof that somewhere, somehow -

there is more waiting for me than survival.

So until then -

I keep going.

One tired breath at a time.

And I keep believing that one day…

I’ll finally rest.

Angila Venus

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Bunny XO and JellyRoll | Angila Venus

 I wanted to chat about the Bunnie XO and Jelly Roll headlines today.

Apparently, thetherere are reports circulating online regarding divorce paperwork, and I wanted to talk about this a little bit.

Before we go on, I want to say that everything here is alleged and speculative. I do not know these people personally. This is simply my opinion and intuition.

First off, I just want to say that I’ve always had a deep love for Bunnie XO and Jelly Roll and their relationship. Their relationship has been very inspirational for me.

The thought of two people who came from difficult beginnings finding love in one another has always moved me.

The truth is, I’m a broken girlie in many ways. My heart is in a good place and I love very deeply, but my childhood had a drastic effect on me emotionally. A lot of my pain led me to make decisions throughout life that maybe weren’t always the best decisions - and let's be honest, i'm still continually making decisions that probably aren't the best for me. But alas, sometimes in life we have no other choice. 

I tell people all the time that I’m broken, but I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing because I’ve had the opportunity to work on myself and heal. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect - I’m still a work in progress - but healing changed me.

I always joke and say that I’m an alley cat and in order for me to find love, I’d need to find a stray dog.

Meaning… I’ve always felt like I’d need someone who understands hardship. Someone who wasn’t handed everything. Someone who had to build themselves through trial, error, heartbreak, and losing everything - much like me.

I feel like people who have experienced pain sometimes understand each other differently.

So for me to watch Bunnie XO and Jelly Roll’s love story unfold publicly was honestly a blessing. It renewed something inside me and gave me hope that maybe I’d find my person too.

But here we are.

And if these rumors are true… it’s heartbreaking.

I’ve had a feeling for a while now that things may not have been as perfect privately as they appeared publicly - but again, that’s intuition, not fact.

What I do believe is this:

We never truly know what happens behind closed doors.

People can deeply love each other and still grow in different directions.

People can support each other through one season of life and not be meant for every season after.

Success changes people.

Healing changes people.

Dreams change people.

Sometimes relationships evolve.

If separation truly is happening, I don’t think it necessarily means failure. 

Sometimes people fulfill what they came into each other’s lives to fulfill.

Maybe they helped each other survive.

Maybe they helped each other become who they were meant to become.

And maybe that’s enough.

With that said - I love them both and I wish them both the best.

And oddly enough… despite all of this, they still renewed my faith in love.

Because if two people from difficult beginnings could find each other and create something beautiful - even if it wasn’t forever - then maybe there’s hope for me too.

Considering my life, how chaotic it’s been, and all the ways I’ve felt broken…

Maybe there’s still someone out there capable of understanding me, too.

Angie

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I'm not a man hater | Angila Venus

 I’ve been called a man hater before and… that’s never felt true to me.

The truth is, I actually love men. 

I love healthy masculine energy. I love strength. I love protectiveness. I love the steadiness, the warmth, the safety. I love a man’s body, his presence, the way he smells, the way masculine energy can feel grounding and beautiful when it’s embodied in a healthy way. 

But I’m also a single woman living in a time where it feels like there’s a growing disconnect between men and women. 

And because I’m a woman’s woman, I’ll always stand beside my sisters. 

That doesn’t mean I think women are perfect. It doesn’t mean I think men are bad. It means I know women carry experiences that deserve to be heard and taken seriously. I know many women are tired. I know many women feel unseen. I know some have experienced disrespect, betrayal, fear, loneliness, being asked to carry too much and receive too little in return.

 So yes - I advocate for women. 

Not because I hate men. 

But because I believe women deserve more.

 Ironically… I grew up surrounded by extraordinary men. 

My father is one of the greatest examples of masculinity I’ve ever known. 

My entire life he has protected me, shown up for me, helped me, rescued me when I needed it, believed in me. Even now, as an adult, he still checks on me. He still helps me. He still cares. I watched him love my mother consistently and faithfully. I watched him take pride in providing for our family - not because he had to, but because he wanted to. 

I grew up with men who showed me that love looks like action. 

I have an amazing father, amazing male family members, amazing examples. 

So maybe that’s why dating has felt so difficult for me. 

Because I know what care looks like.

 I know what being cherished looks like.

 And sometimes modern dating feels so disconnected from that. 

I am extremely proud to say that I have never cheated on a partner. 

Never. 

I've had 2 serious relationships. One of those serious relationships was a 15 year marriage. I've never had a one night stand or a fling - because I have too much self respect and a multitude of other reasons that I mentioned in a past post. 

But I don't have one girlfriend that I can say the same about. Every single one of my girlfriends have cheated on their significant other. And there is no judgement on my part with regards to their infidelity as a woman, because infidelity, as a woman is different than infidelity as a man. 

A man engages in infidelity, because he doesn't care about her feelings and the only thing he cares about in the moment is his weiner. A woman engages in infidelity because she feels disrespected, neglected, and pushed away. From a woman's perspective, I cannot blame a woman for engaging in infidelity versus a man. Simply because a woman has emotional reasons to cheat but a man doesn't have any reason to cheat. Again, that's my opinion. I'm just trying to say that I recognize, not all women are as guiltless as me and some of them do have their own issues. 

I have two specific girlfriends who have cheated on their spouses and it's heartbreaking to watch. 

One girlfriend is married to an older man, she has three children from three different fathers and she found a really good man who brought her into his life and his mansion. He has multiple cars that are all paid off. She has a huge sprawling estate, access to all his money, all her children are now older and in college that he's paying for. 

And this woman, when he met her, was working at a gas station and living in the trailer park on food stamps because she wasn't able to provide for her three children. 

This man literally saved her from a hellish life and, brought her into luxury and, abundance and, she cheated on him multiple times that he doesn't know about it. 

It bothers me immensely because I literally feel like this man saved her from such a horrible life and for her to thank him in such a way is so disheartening. 

If I were to ever find a man like that I would literally kiss the ground he walked on. I would worship him. 

The other girlfriend was another single mom for many years and when she found her husband he had a really good mechanics job, moved her in, turned her into a housewife so she didn't have to work fourteen hours a day in order to pay the bills, got a mortgage for a bigger house for "The family", so that she could have a house instead of renting, and she pays him back by cheating on him. 

Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know that i'm fully aware that it isn't always men that women have their issues as well. I get it.

I know not all men want casual situations. I know not all women are innocent. I know people hurt people. 

I’ve seen women hurt good men. I’ve watched women sabotage beautiful things. I’ve watched people make choices I could never imagine making. 

Life is more complicated than “men bad” or “women bad.” 

I understand that. 

But I also know myself. 

I’ve never cheated. I’ve never been interested in flings. I was married for fifteen years. 

I’m not built casually. 

I’m a wife at heart. 

I’m the woman who wants to make your favorite dinner. Rub your back after work. Bring you coffee. Kiss your forehead. Build traditions. Create safety. Grow old together. 

Dating feels strange to me because I don’t know how to love halfway. 

I don’t want to perform intimacy. I want to live inside of it. 

And maybe that’s why my heart gets heavy sometimes. 

Because underneath all my confidence and all my strength… there is still a woman in here who quietly hopes she’ll be chosen properly one day. 

I've realized through my girlfriend's that it's OK to be saved,  In fact, that's what good men do when they love you. 

And if that ever happens… 

If I ever meet a man who is kind, loyal, emotionally safe, who protects without controlling, who loves my children, who shows up consistently and builds a peaceful life beside me - 

I promise you… 

I would love him beautifully. 

Because I know how sacred it is to be loved gently in a world that can feel so hard. 

So no- 

I’m not a man hater. 

I still believe in good men. 

I just refuse to settle while waiting for one.

Angila Venus

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WHY I CHOSE CELIBACY

 Why I've Been Abstinent for 9 (Almost 10) Years: The Truth

This is a long and complicated answer, but I'm going to tackle it today because there are two questions I get asked most frequently:

Why

1. Angie, what do you do for a living? How do you make your money?

2. Why have you practiced abstinence for so long?

Today, I'm addressing my second most-asked question.

First, let's break down this timeline. For the first three years of my chosen abstinence, I was still married but legally separated from my husband. Because we remained legally married, I wanted to honor that commitment and didn't go outside our marriage. Instead, I maintained my own space - no longer sharing a bedroom or bed with him. I was attempting to save my marriage, but due to our serious issues, I wasn't willing to be sexual with him until we addressed fundamental problems within our relationship.

For the next three years, I was in love with a false twin flame. As a Scorpio Venus, I'm not capable of being intimate with someone else when my heart belongs to another. I remained true to him because of my love, despite the circumstances.

The following two years of my abstinence were dedicated to healing after my false twin flame betrayed me. I had two years of deep-seated anger to release before I could consider being intimate with another person.

In reality, it's only been in the last year and a half that I've been emotionally capable of being intimate with someone. However, after doing so much healing work and recognizing my worth, there's no way I could just give myself to somebody casually.

I recognize the Goddess that I am and the divine feminine energy that resides within me spiritually. If you think Goddess Aphrodite or Goddess Lilith opened their legs for just anybody, you are gravely mistaken.

I recognize the diamond that I am. I've never had an STD - my body is clean (including parasites, as statistics show 98% of people have parasites in their bodies, and I don't - I do parasite cleanses several times a year). My pH is balanced, and spiritually speaking, my "waters" (in a metaphorical sense) are like those of a pure alpine glacier lake - untoucuntouchedhed and drinkable from the source because it hasn't been damaged by pollution (other people's energy). The average person doesn't recognize energy, and they're dealing with mucky, muddy waters that might make you sick.

I see sex as a spiritual ritual when you love someone, not as something casual. When you engage in casual sex, you put your body at risk for disease (even with protection, you're still at risk). You risk pregnancy from a casual connection, which creates greater challenges for mothers in the long run. You're muddying your spiritual waters with people who are disgusting and have mucky spiritual energy. That mucky water transfers to you, and the more you engage in casual encounters, the muddier your own spiritual waters become. Over time, you no longer have pristine, pure waters - you have a sewer or a swamp.

My self-esteem, self-awareness, and confidence are too high to give myself to just anybody. Those engaging in casual sex, one-night stands, or situationships typically lack self-esteem and self-love. Anyone who recognizes their worth (male or female) isn't out here spreading themselves thin sexually. They recognize their divinity, they recognize their worth, and they act accordingly.

I'm not capable of having casual sex. First, it's not fun for me without a solid foundation of trust with that person, and there's no emotional connection. Those just happen to be the two elements that make sexual activity enjoyable for me. If it's not going to be fun, why would I engage in it? I need a man I can trust - a man with whom I've established a solid foundation of trust - because for sex to be enjoyable for me, I either engage in kink or make love. Those are my two preferences, and I'm not doing that with someone I don't know and trust.

Lastly, I have standards for the man I engage with sexually. He must meet my standards. He must be "God level" - and how many high-vibrational, god-level men do you see walking around? Enough said. Most men haven't done their healing work; they live in privilege. From a sexual perspective, most men don't see the body as a temple, sex as a ritual, or have a problem with muddying their spiritual energy. Many men lack the self-awareness, self-love, or self-esteem to abstain from women with low vibrations. The man I choose to give my body to must recognize his Godhood, have done his healing, and be capable of abstinence or celibacy before I would be willing to give him my body.

People think I remain abstinent because I hate sex or I'm asexual - that's not the case at all. Simply put: I recognize my worth and refuse to give my body to some undeserving lusty loser with mucky waters who might infect my body. I'm actually a very sexual woman. I love sex. I masturbate quite often, read smutty books, and watch smutty videos when pleasing myself. I'm kink-friendly and have done my sexual healing, so I'm free to express myself sexually with a partner of my caliber.

I was surprised to learn that in CIA spy training, the first thing they teach male spies is how to contain and control their sexual energy. A man who can't contain or control his sexual energy is a liability - not only to himself but to everyone around him, including his family, lover, and job. Men incapable of celibacy or abstinence are simply men, not gods, and they don't make good leaders.

I also realized that as a Goddess, my sexual energy will heal him, help him manifest faster, and bless his life in ways he can't fathom. Why would I offer that blessing to just anybody?

I am rare, exclusive, and unattainable to the masses. Not everyone is granted access to something truly luxurious and one of a kind. The world is full of things that are common and easily obtained - but rarity? Rarity is sacred.

My energy, my body, my presence… they are not meant for everyone. I am not something to be casually experienced. I am the Bugatti in a world full of Toyotas -exclusive, high value, and unforgettable. 🖤✨

Angila Venus

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 👑 Private readings and spell work:

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🩷Angila Venus YouTube:

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😇PayPal AND Email:

angievenus1111@yahoo.com

Venmo @GondoraOfficial

Cashapp $Gondora

🕯🪞🕯 Follow my Poetry and writing:
https://www.poetry.com/poet/Angila+Venus

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